Thursday, January 12, 2017

Teenage Years Part Deus

My responsibilities in the Mormon church remained the same until I turned 16.  I still hadn't gotten to cast out any demons, and as such I needed something more to do.  I shouldn't say it was all the same, because when I turned 14, I was now authorized by God to stand at a door during our sacrament meeting, so people knew not to come in.  I guess you could consider me Mormon Hodor.  When I turned the ripe young age of 16, a driver's license wasn't the only thing I got.  Take that my non Mormon friends!  I was given the power from God to now bless the Holy Sacrament!  Bet you all wish you were me now huh?  This meant that during our sacrament meeting, I was one of two priesthood holders that would physically break the bread into it's nuggets and then say a little ditty of a prayer while everybody listened. 

Also, at the age of 16, I was now allowed to date real live girls!  Before then there would be none of that debauchery.  I got my license and my parents no longer had to drive me around.  Which really came in handy for my early morning seminary classes.

As a young Mormon, and during our High School years, we attend what is called Seminary.  Now, out west in Utah, Mormon kids are able to take leave from their school day to go to seminary between some classes.  It was all built in, but don't worry, these seminary classes were held in buildings just off campus so as not to violate the ol' church/state separation clause.

In all the rest of the USA, Mormons had to attend their seminary classes before school.  Which for me meant getting up at 4:30 am to attend my class, then turn around to head for school.  So needless to say, my parents were quite fine with me getting my license.  This absolutely sucked.  I was always so tired, and I swear this had a direct impact on my grades.  That and the fact I always felt what my science classes were teaching were totally bogus.  Pish Posh science teachers, you don't know what I know, so I didn't pay much attention.

In fact, at one point I actually believed dinosaurs never even existed on this earth.  There's fossils you say?  I had an answer for that one, and I was pretty damn proud of myself.  I believed these bones were already in the material used to create the earth (a previously inhabited world that had since been destroyed).  So, when God came along and was like, "I'm gonna make me a planet", he said to this unorganized mess and put it all together, and that's how the dinosaur bones got there.  I was a genius and my school teachers could learn a thing or two about their so called evolution.  By the way, my dad still believes this is where the dinosaur bones came from.

Obviously I've grown up since then.  I know now the earth had to go through a very hot molten phase when it was newly formed from the debris left over from the creation of it's star.  And during this process, anything and everything would have been completely obliterated, hence the carbon data being reset.  But this is now, and that was then.  Shame on me.

My teenage years, post 16 got real interesting.  I began to date girls, and that took much precedence over my Mormon obligations.  I like how these girls felt when I kissed them, and how it felt to touch them and be touched by them (in appropriate places you perverts).  I found myself  intrigued by these biological sensations to "sin", and I wasn't sure how long I could resist.  It was a slippery slope indeed.  Oh the devil had me right where he wanted.

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