Sunday, January 8, 2017

About me

The earliest memory I can muster is of being in a mormon temple.  I was very young, maybe 2 or 3, not sure really.  I recall being in a sort of nursery or play room of sorts and then being escorted into another room in this temple.  Now, mormon temples are a super "special" place that only temple recommend holding mormons can go.  To be given a temple recommend, a mormon must be interviewed by their ecclesiastical leader and pass an honesty test really.  You'll be asked if you pay a full tithing, which is giving the church 10% of your gross income.  They'll ask if you're obeying the law of chastity, which means you're not having sex, gay sex, masturbating and such, outside the bonds of marriage.  You can't masturbate even if you're married though... You'll also be asked if you're attending church and upholding your callings, if you're keeping your personal life disassociated from those that would act in contrary to the church, and that you don't drink alcohol, coffee, tea, smoke or chew tobacco.  So long as you answer the way you're expected, then you'll be ready to enter the temple.

Back to my memory...

I was escorted into this room, and my brother was also there, so were my parents.  It was here a temple worker said some shit and voila, we were all bound together spiritually for all eternity.


This concept is probably the single most emotional tie the mormon church has to keep its parishioners from doubting and leaving the church.  It's such a powerful piece, and even did a number on me when I was having my doubts.  I knew what hung in the balance by questioning the church and ultimately leaving it.  That my children would no longer be promised to me in the hereafter.  It truly is gut wrenching.  However, as I have grown to learn along my journey out of religion, just because something feels good, it doesn't make it true.  I had to face that reality and overcome that obstacle, and oh what an obstacle that was.  My parents used it plenty on me and even broke down in tears because they were thinking of my children and the impact of not have the temple promises.  I mean, H..O..L..Y   S..H..I..T!

I tell my parents all the time the reason more people don't openly question the church is because of the emotional warfare it brings on the hearts of its followers.  I understand most religions have some sort of promise in the next life, but it simply pales in comparison.  Mormons give their lives to this organization, and by doing so, they feel they have EARNED their place in the eternities.  By sacrificing so much and earning these rewards, most will simply go about their ways and continue on as followers of superstition, than breaking free of the bonds of empty promises.

Sorry, back to me..

I grew up from day one in the LDS church.  I did all the things good little mormon boys and mormon girls did.  I recited my testimony that the church was True and that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and the Book of Mormon was true.  It was expected of me, even in childhood to say these things.  It brought great smiles from my parents, so I knew I was doing good.  I didn't play sports on Sundays, because that was the Lord's day.  I had to sit those baseball games out, and I really didn't enjoy that.  But, it was after all what God expected of me and for all he's done for me, forgoing a simple game isn't much to ask.

And so my childhood went.  I was a true believing mormon (TBM), and all this would only get worse as I entered into my teens.....

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